Maintaining a Blog x Life x Open Letter

I know it has been some time now since I have posted an outfit or anything really. I have a few reasons for that and I promise you that I will get right back. I have worked so hard on this blog. I made it a main priority since I started it over a year ago. I was dealing with a bit of depression and lost myself two years back and decided to start a blog to create an escape and separate world for me.

When I stared the blog I didn't know what was going to become of it. I followed a few blogs before I decided to start my own. I woke up one morning and said "I am going to start a blog about my personal fashion and how to save money, while still looking cute" It took a few weeks to find a name, design, and photographer. I didn't really think about the future of it and how it would effect my life, but it felt good. It was a rush of excitement for me and something new to focus on.

I've been experimenting with post and looks to see what I like and what my followers enjoyed best. When I first started my blog I wanted to discuss life, art, travel, and food. Not thinking that I have to take time away from my everyday life to provide that. I put a lot of pressure on myself to post weekly and different days throughout the week. If I didn't I would scold myself for it.

I am a very private person when it comes to my life, yet I am very open and friendly. I am a people person, but I still stay guarded. Which made me think about my followers. I am open with people I meet regarding my life and a lot of people say I have a positive open energy about me. So why do I feel I need to be guarded when it comes to my blog or social media? In order for me to maintain my true reasoning for starting the blog in the first place is to be myself right?

I have been myself of course, but not my entire self on here.

I want to start off by saying I am a 28 year old mother of two amazing children. I am a daughter, granddaughter, an aunt, sister, niece, cousin, friend, an entrepreneur, an employee, and then I am Traci.

Mother's Day

I wake up everyday as a mother first at 5am. I get my children ready for school in the mornings, drop them off, go to work, pick them up, help them study, then I study, cook dinner, then I blog. That is a smooth day. This doesn't count when they are sick or I am sick or stopping my day to be the many other things that I am today. I wear several mask to get through the day.

I am a "single" mother who had children at a very early age. I had my first when I was 18 and my second at 21. I always hated the term "single mother" I never really understood it. I am still trying to justify the use of it. I never stopped to say "I am a single mother, how will I get things done today?" I just wake up and do it and I like it best that way. I don't have time to stop and ask someone "How are you dealing with today?" because I am dealing with it. I am working on that by the way.

 I have had help from my mother and father mainly from the time I gave birth to the time I am typing this now. Everything I do is for my children and they are the most prized possession that I own. Which is why I never shared them with you all. I felt that by sharing my prized possession, it gave room for negative energy.

In L.A. picking up things for my store

The blog was actually created around them. The name Just Mariklo is me and my two children names combined. 9 times out of 10 they are with me when I am taking pictures and sometimes behind the camera. They are even in the reflection of some photos that I posted on here. Sometimes I feel bad that I am dragging them along with me, but other times I am happy to give them the experience. They travel with me most of the time when I go out of town, even for fashion week. I cut my schedule up to be a mother and show them things in between.

I have always been a busy person. I've been working cubicle desk jobs since I gave birth to my oldest. It was always good money to maintain my life, but I just watched my life go by daily staring at a grey cubicle wall. My kids also suffered because they sit in school or child care for ten hours a day waiting for me, then to have to sit longer and wait for me while I take a photo of my outfit.

So, I had to change some things around to fit my passion, work, school, and kids into my everyday life. Which is why I haven't posted in two weeks. I had to take a step back to figure out how to make that happen. To figure out how to still be Traci and these other things. To be able to still provide content to my readers and be more transparent with you.

I want to inspire people beyond with just my clothes. I also want to be able to show you guys the struggle behind everything that I do. We tend to share just the glitter of life instead of the back end. I don't want people to ever come to my blog, Instagram, Tumblr or whatever and say "I wish I could do that, why can't my life be this way?". We all do it. That is just a negative mindset and I don't want to be the cause of anyone's negative thoughts.

Right before photos I took last year

I also want people to truly understand the hard work that I put behind this blog and the things I have to give up each time I post something. I love doing this and want to continue to do it, but I want to do it better. I want to maintain it better and I want to post the things that actually mean something to me that is worth me staying up late or taking time away from my children.

I want my children to be able to see why mommy is taking time away from them. I want my family and friends to have a positive place to go to. I will still post about fashion and majority of my content will remain that way, but I need to get back to why I started the blog in the first place.

I went part time at work to give me more time to be a mother, daughter, friend, blogger, etc. I have 100 goals and I want to accomplish them all. I want to be able to not have to clock in at a "job" and give my all to my children and myself.

Many people see bloggers as local rappers handing out their CD's in the parking lot LOL, but it is more to that. It is a lot of work and I just want my followers to stick around and be patient with me while I figure this life out. I want you to follow me as I do it and possibly help each other figure it all out.

California for Christmas

I am redesigning the blog in the upcoming weeks and moving platforms. I will try to post things and looks in the meantime, but please just be patient. I decided to write this because I was feeling down and out, caught in a funk of "why am I doing this and does this matter". I was feeling uninspired and felt like a sheep in a herd, but I am not a sheep and refuse to be.

I know this is a lot and I will end it here. Just make sure that you always remain yourself in anything that you do in life. I feel like a weight is lifted off of my shoulders and I can now be Traci. I am very thankful for having such positive family, friends, and support group behind me. I am thankful to have met so many new friends along the way, that I know I wouldn't of met if I didn't have this blog. It has pushed me to do more things alone and find positive people along the way.

Thank you for being supportive and I can't wait to see the new version of the blog.

XOXO

Traci Mari Smith